smh. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-15520929
Quote from: Avneet on November 17, 2011, 02:45:53 PMsmh. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-15520929Why are you shaking your head? People are turning to online websites partially out of desperation and partially out of attempt to find someone who more suitable for them than those in their immediate vicinity. These investigators are simply double-checking and making sure that these future brides/grooms are who they say they are.On one hand, you do have a breach of privacy and everyone does have secrets. But hopefully, by the time you're ready to settle down with someone, those secrets should have already come out of the closet, at least to your significant other. The article does mention that the concept of matrimony is much different in India than in the Western world, but still, they also mentioned that they found one potential groom who had been married a set of different wives and another with a family who lied about who they were. Can you really blame families for making sure that their children are marrying people who are who they say they are into families that are who they say they are as well? If their kids still want to marry their significant other after learning things that they should have already known, then yeah, that's completely up to them. It doesn't seem like parents are acting against the wishes of their kids and it seems that the to-be-bride/groom are doing the checks themselves. I'm not saying I would ever do this, but given some of these circumstances and the dangers of online dating, I can understand why they would.
Quote from: Sue Sylvester on November 17, 2011, 04:33:09 PMQuote from: Avneet on November 17, 2011, 02:45:53 PMsmh. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-15520929Why are you shaking your head? People are turning to online websites partially out of desperation and partially out of attempt to find someone who more suitable for them than those in their immediate vicinity. These investigators are simply double-checking and making sure that these future brides/grooms are who they say they are.On one hand, you do have a breach of privacy and everyone does have secrets. But hopefully, by the time you're ready to settle down with someone, those secrets should have already come out of the closet, at least to your significant other. The article does mention that the concept of matrimony is much different in India than in the Western world, but still, they also mentioned that they found one potential groom who had been married a set of different wives and another with a family who lied about who they were. Can you really blame families for making sure that their children are marrying people who are who they say they are into families that are who they say they are as well? If their kids still want to marry their significant other after learning things that they should have already known, then yeah, that's completely up to them. It doesn't seem like parents are acting against the wishes of their kids and it seems that the to-be-bride/groom are doing the checks themselves. I'm not saying I would ever do this, but given some of these circumstances and the dangers of online dating, I can understand why they would. I am a huge advocate for Love and for people exploring different avenues to find and attain love, even if it is through the internet- more power to you. An issue I do have with online "matrimonial" sites however is Indian people use it as a way to shop for a husband or wife and not a supplement for finding someone to give and receive love with. Love should always come first, marriage should be more of an after thought or a revelation rather that makes someone feel "Hey! I really want to marry this person and be with them forever and ever and ever!" Not "Hey, I want to get married and he/she looks good on paper, he/she will do" But if it's an act of desperation or someone really just doesnt feel conventional dating is for them or there is no way they will find anyone without going on the internet, I can't/won't judge because we all walk in different shoes. And yea finding people online is a HUGE risk so I do understand the need to have all your bases covered. (Another reason why I think online matrimonial sites arent always smart but whatever.) Look, if yo man swings the other way or has char/panj kudiya or is a sociopath/psychopath, I really hope every gal's intuition kicks in at some point while youre dating/courting one another because those are big things that, no matter how big the player, his "deal" just won't add up. We arent psychics and we may not pin point things to the last detail, but you should know when some thing isnt right. Sadly, a lot of girls ignore their intuition and better judgment and go with it anyway which will just leave both people unhappy in the long run- Good luck to you. I understand its harder to feel that natural instinct/intuition with people you dont really know so again if you MUST find a hubby online be smart, try to be your own detective and try your best to follow your gut and eventually your heart. But, my God don't jump into a marriage and settle for someone that you know so less about that it actually sounds reasonable to hire a creeper detective to look into things that you could easily look into yourself if you just take the time needed to learn and love and grow together. This is going to be the man you sleep next to for the rest of your life after all. If he feels like that much of a stranger from the get go?? I just dont know how youd go through with it.. All that asideeeee, I shake my head because I really dont think these detectives are getting hired to check out potential brides/grooms found Online-Only. Theyre deeefffffinitely checking out boyfriends and girlfriends that their kids found on their own and have been involved with for some period of time. Indian families are SUCH meddlers! They meddle in just about everything. I have a number of family and friends close in age that are either married or engaged and it is insane how many in laws (parental and sibling) get themselves involved in the relationship. Butt out!! A handful of people I know that dated 3, 4, 5 years before getting married who didnt have any real issues that were more than the norm while dating divorced within 2 years of marriage! It is sad. I wont just blame family- I think we live in a time and culture where curiosity is high, a sense of entitlement is high, and pride/ego is high. People have slowly stopped fighting the good fight and unfortunately have grown more selfish. To much "I", not enough "We" However, with all of these obstacles, the last thing you need to add to the equation is doubt. Family/close friends can be notorious for planting the seed of doubt. And it must be SO hard having to defend your significant other to your family. So even if your parents found out "OMG beta she has had three boyfriends before you came along" and the guy doesnt care or have an issue with it, parents are stubborn and probably will never accept your significant other 100% and will continue to try to fill your head with doubt. The biggest culprit is the number of taboo subjects in the South Asian culture. And most of us face a culture gap with our parents since most of us are first generation in the West. Anyone with a more western up bringing find most taboo subjects in the East to be minor in the West. And now people are hiring these "detectives" (lol) to do what?? Dig up trivial bullshit!! And that will just create a larger wedge between a couple that is working to make their marriage successful, something that is already very difficult to do no matter how much you love and know about one another.
Oh boyyy! This article is an eye-opener. I'm sure Miss SAMMI will take keen interest in it. Fav parts: "Mr Rai's team use spy cameras hidden in watches, key chains, lockets and shirt buttons. It is normal practice for Mr Prakash to wear disguises. He dresses as beggars, watchmen and drivers to gain access to a subject's house and life. There is no limit to what persona he might take on." <- Freakin Indian James Bond! "Prakash once posed as a pimp, after the parents asked for a "honey trap" test." <- LMAO! Wow!Other claims are harder to verify. "We were spying on one boy and our investigation concluded he was gay. The family were asking for proof, but to prove someone's sexual preference is very difficult. We did give it a try but couldn't provide documentary evidence. The couple got married in the end but later divorced."<- What the eff! Do Desi girls not have a gaydar?Thanks for sharing Avneet,~ Basim
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Topic: Indians are on one. (Read 553 times)
