• Bhangra discussion is still going strong. Join us in our Facebook group!

    New user registration has been closed (as it was entirely spam). We encourage you to post in our Facebook group, even if it's a followup to an existing thread. BTF will continue to be archived and hosted here - Saleem

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Arjunarjun

New Member
Messages
1
Wow guys, good posts.

I honestly think that Indian Parents do have a bad view against Blacks and even Mexicans etc. Do you guys believe it is our own faults or White America installing that into our mind?

Also, I think the media has A LOT to do with stereotyping certain races which molds peoples mind in a HUGEE way.
 

Arjunarjun

New Member
Messages
1
Parul- I believe there is def more to punjabi culture than to play the dhol and to understand and dance to bhangra.

Sorry, I know alot of people are kind of going against you but I just wanted to put that out.
 

Arjunarjun

New Member
Messages
1
the slammer- I do agree with you. Interracial marriages are just going to get more common....and I really do not see anything wrong with it. Yes, sometimes it is hard to understand other cultures and to learn about it, but that comes with everyone you meet.

Do guys think Indian Parents really care about the whole "having a different culture than you" thing or the fact that your marrying outside your race and another ethnicity in which they are racist towards (ex blacks) ?
 

Somi

Hookah is NOT harmful!
Messages
553
Like Inoss, I am for arrange marriage. Mainly because we are 5 girls and 3 sisters were all arranged, 1 of them actually got to see/talk with him before they said yes. The 4th sister actually had a love...my parents are open about the love marriage now than 10 years ago when my older sister got married

but you guys are on the right road that arrange marriages is different now than it was before. It really did, Sacramento Muslims are the most close-minded people you can ever Ever meet, no joke. It been few years that getting the guy/girl to know each other before has came in play. So this step was BIG and the next was race. Race is a big issue but not for many Muslims...well I think it is different. A lot people now say as long as he/she is Muslim.
Before, my parents were strict in having the guy know punjabi... and now we have different races amongst my Dads side and non-punjabi speaking which they are ok with it. Not only our family but many Sacramento 'strict' families are.
Now culture....you will be surprised on how many individuals I have seen who adapted to our culture. Now me marrying outside the race, probably not just because I would want someone who already speaks punjabi/urdu, and knows how to dance (bhangra, mainly). =D

Arjun- I think they do care and I think its the ability to speak to them or connect. My parents thing about having a punjabi-speaking was because they wanted to be comfortable speaking to them....which Thank God they grew out of.
but also have to agree with you about the media, punks =D
 

Chidiya

New Member
Messages
338
Somia said:
Like Inoss, I am for arrange marriage. Mainly because we are 5 girls and 3 sisters were all arranged, 1 of them actually got to see/talk with him before they said yes. The 4th sister actually had a love...my parents are open about the love marriage now than 10 years ago when my older sister got married
see im the oldest so i get to be "bale ka bakra" my parents are very laid back when it comes to arrange marriage tho..like i was suppose to get engaged to this guy from India..we talked for a few months online..and with his sister too..so i had my parents permission to get to know the guy and his family. one thing my parents have said to me is that they'd never force me to marry someone i didnt want to
 

Somi

Hookah is NOT harmful!
Messages
553
one thing my parents have said to me is that they'd never force me to marry someone i didnt want to -inoss
More parents are like that now

'bale ka bakra' - dont worry....sooooo many arrange marriages I have seen and work out sooo nice....thats why I am not too scared of it

good luck ;)
 

Chidiya

New Member
Messages
338
haha ya ive seen some really happy arranged marriage. my didi (cousin) had one too and shes the happiest person i know!
 

Temurzai

New Member
Messages
397
to stay on topic of the thread...i think Summy hit it right on the spot, although would you call it very black and white? Id say arranged marraige has alot of grey because theres all different types of arranged marraiges like you already stated.

the view of it here is ridiculous, i don't think its so bad. i know plenty of indians that have had it 'arranged', (see summys post earlier in the thread regarding the scenarios), and they were proper happy.

regarding the marraige outside culture...

halfblood offspring ftw ;)
i think its fine. as long as your not one to be a bigot, which i dont think you would be if you were marrying a person of a different race. unless you were marrying them for specific reasons i guess...which is lame.


parul jan -
WHOA., i think harman basically said it that wat u said was sorta eh..not so cool..but if u mean it regarding stereotypes, then yea i would say most people would def agree that their first answer would be that the minorities have it worse. but thats just because people dont know wat the truth really is.

white people. hmmmm, wat really defines white? u mean the caucasian? the aryan? or european/american/canadian only?
sidenote, middleasterners are white. iranians are white. afghans are white. they are all aryan or semites. but i do believe you are referring to euro races. and more specifically to 'white america', which at first glance, and first thought, you wouldn't think they have a culture..

ch-ch-check this outtt

i went to a catholic highschool, all boys, almost every kid was either Irish, Italian, or Irish-Italian. im like oh niceee sooo do u like eat crazy italian dinners everyday??! their response is no. they eat like eveyrone else. "were not from italy, but my great great grandfather was.." they dont have a sense of their bloods culture cuz they are removed from it. but they have a culture, which is americas culture. americans have their own values and cultural traits (like eating dinner at like 5pm..wtf?! lol) but that doesnt mean its not a culture.

american music, american dance, american language!, american food, american everyday lifestyles, these are all a part of the american culture. you and i exhibit these cultural traits too, whether you realize it or not.

and a typical argument can be like 'well its more like america is just a melting pot, theres so many diff races here that there isnt one main culture at all, and if ur not from one of those ethnic races here in america, then u dont really have a culture"

how bout punjab? punjab has so many traditions and values of many races that have conquered the area and settled there and or ruled over the area, and more recently than one might think.

when you look at a 12yr old boy from alabama and look at his face, you cant trace his genes can you? german? irish? italian? polish? swedish? english? south african? maybe a mix of some or all? mixed races in his blood in america, with combined traits from all of the hypothetical bloodlines this alabama boy might have, mean he's cultureless?

when you look at a 12 yr old boy from punjab, do you think of tracing his genes? greek? pashtun? persian? mongol? dravidian?..maybe all?.. do u say he doesnt have a culture? ...or do u say hes punjabi


america has developed a culture, because of the numerous races and cultures that are present in this land, just like punjab has.

you wanna know why some dont realize that americans have a culture? because you live with two cultures. you live with an american one around you and in your case, indian one at home, where as John Smith who cant speak anythin but english with an american accent, and knows nothing except america, only has one culture. so to you, he has nothing, because you dont see the culture of america that you're growing up in with john smith, all you see is the difference, why you and john smith arent the same.

the cultural background tally count isnt Parul:1, John:0..
its Parul:2, John:1

ps i hope i didnt sound too aggressive in this! i hate lecturing cept i end up doin it all the time lol ask anyone haha i can ramble forever

peace in the middle east yallllllll
 

Summy

New Member
Messages
11
Hey Taiymur jaan, whats up buddy, long time...

If Somebody would have told me 1 year ago, that I would be talking about the effects of imperialism, colonization, the doll test etc... I would have said your doing too much dohday. I am SHOCKED, and proud that these things are being evaluated...

First off, lets look at the real issue here, which is the seeming hierarchy or issues that miniorities have with each other. Harman touched on it and I think its important to re-itterate. One of the tactics of the British when they basically colonized the world, was to isolate revolts. They knew one day it would happen, so nothing short of Nazi tactics were employed (btw anyone ever think about how the Nazi's are viewed, but British Imperialism was never put on the same level? Think about why that may happen)... For example, in India, through Supreme Court rulings, and through very respected parts of the society perpetuated british elitist mentality. The tactics of the British ALL OVER THE WORLD, was to make the people being inslaved believe that they deserved it. That the country, their people, even through all this hardship need the superior british. That they were civilized, that they introduced humanity to a people incapable of feeling this...


So the question that lies (I dont want to give the answer, because I will GO CRAZY, and I think people should make up their minds individually) is... are we still suffering from those effects? Science has shown us that mentalities ingrained in our ancestors can continue to live on and become even more prominent 100's of years past the application of those mentalities... Considering we just gained independence 60 years ago, which means people that are still alive (our grandparents) could have been subject to british elitist mentality... is it impossible to believe, that we as Indians may still unconsciously believe that the white man is our saviour? That he is our protector? That he is our friend?

I could go on for years about the effects of imperalism on miniorities. In my opinion, it is the defining moment of our ancestory. There are so many studies done on it... Lets look at Nazi Germany. When they had their reign of terror, even though million were massacared, there is some sort of relief after they were defeated. That the powers at hand, suffered the price. The trials, the death of hitler, the fall of Berlin... something was defeated. We as miniorities... What do we have? What do Indians have? What do Africans have? British Imperialism was never "defeated" the way Nazi Germany was. The huge lasting effect of an every lasting "father figure" in the mentalities of miniorities all over the world, is something that we need as a community to realize.

I would LOVE to read people's opinion on that matter.... I think if we evaluate fully why we feel more accpeting to the white man then the our fellow miniority, I think we can kind of understand where the dislikes of different communites may come from.
 

Arjunarjun

New Member
Messages
1
Interesting discussion. To be quite honest, I just have my opinions and a few facts to base my opinions off. I've been trying to find some articles about this but couldn't find any. If anyone has anything interesting written about this or an article, please post the link up.

I think there are still many myths about history and civilization. I remember taking a class a few years back where we learned about colonization and how many inventions and discoveries were NOT made by the europeans (or white man) but actually most believe so. I think that many people see other countries like africa, asia etc as barbaric, and that europe's influence on them has helped us to be more "civilized." Although our country was once under their influence, alot of stereotypes have still stayed. It's sad to see that we as Indians, feel lesser towards other minorities that once have gone through the same thing that we have gone through with our country. I still to this day get questions and ignorant comments about the Indian culture ("god with 4 arms", why women wear a red dot etc) as if we are weird and most people can't seem to understand this is just culture just like everyone else has there own.

Also, we do see alot of diversity in America with different cultures mixing together, different ethnical cuisines , music and religions. I still believe although people want to try Indian food or go to a temple, they still go with the feeling that it is "different" and maybe even less regarded than their religion..mainly Christianity.

On the other hand, I still believe the doll test is interesting. In the media, I still see europeans and whites portrayed as the "right" way to look , especially for women. When there is a minority women seen in a magazine or a show, the culture is still portrayed (chinese women with chopsticks, asian clothing)..I think the standard beauty of a women today is still white with preferably blonde hair.
 

pluthra

Member
Messages
296
Arjunarjun said:
In the media, I still see europeans and whites portrayed as the "right" way to look , especially for women. When there is a minority women seen in a magazine or a show, the culture is still portrayed (chinese women with chopsticks, asian clothing)..I think the standard beauty of a women today is still white with preferably blonde hair.
i dont kno bout this...i personally dont think that the standard beauty of women today is still "white w/blonde hair"
-i doubt people still expect that and plus if people did wudnt girls be going blonde and tryin to get whiter by the day....yet it seems more like people are tryin to get tanner......but more so i think the generalized idea of beauty is not the same anymore....
1) black women are very strong women i dont think that today, unlike the past, they would wish to be white....instead today they stand proud to be of african american descent
2) women who are big dont have a problem either.....ex. tyra banks can put on a fat suit and still be proud of who she is....and sure maybe all women aren't proud of it...but the 1s who have found their balance are...and they shud be
3) the idea of a feminine body has changed...at 1st women shud have looked delicate....sure women are still presented in this way in movies, etc...yet women are also takin out time now to build muscle and tone their bodies as well........i dont think its the looks that people care so much about these days...its how the people present themselves

sure u may not see many japanese, indian, etc women portrayed as a normal american girl in magazines and all but its also based how many women of that culture think about going to become a model....i kno when i grew up my parents didnt put me in modeling classes, etc instead they put me in piano classes, math classes, etc.....so that all depends on how the child is raised (also it mite not even be cultural....like if my parents bought me a bunch of dress up clothes, jewelry, barbies, dolls, etc...then maybe i wud grow up thinkin ya i wanna become a model....so it all depends on wat material objects u grow up around too that base ur idea of wat beauty is and how people define it)
 

Arjunarjun

New Member
Messages
1
interesting...

http://makefetchhappen.blogspot.com/2008/06/vogue-asks-is-fashion-racist.html


maybe parul is right..you do see more black women in the media..question is where are the asians?
 

highschooljatt

New Member
Messages
9
I think most of you guys are getting it all wrong. You see here, my mami ji married a white guy, Andrew, and there living happily in L.A. doing their thing. As soon as he got married into our family everyone brought him up to speed on our culture, and he even understands punjabi now. He loves to visit us, and we dont treat him any differently than any other guy in our family. Everyone always say that inter-racial marriages never work out, but you people are wrong. If you can really understand each other, than nothing can get in your way, you can make sacrifices and adapt to each others lifestyle. When theres love theres a way. =)
 

Mukandpuria

New Member
Messages
1,413
I think most of you guys are getting it all wrong. You see here, my mami ji married a white guy, Andrew, and there living happily in L.A. doing their thing. As soon as he got married into our family everyone brought him up to speed on our culture, and he even understands punjabi now. He loves to visit us, and we dont treat him any differently than any other guy in our family. Everyone always say that inter-racial marriages never work out, but you people are wrong. If you can really understand each other, than nothing can get in your way, you can make sacrifices and adapt to each others lifestyle. When theres love theres a way. =)
it basically comes to the person being open minded
 

Manjot

Active Member
Messages
2,058
so pretty much ur dads sister then you can say so shouldnt she be ur Pooha? :s
 
Top