Jokes

[Jatt08]

Positive ATTITUDE:

Girl's Father-I don't want my daughter to spend her entire life with an idiot.

Boyfriend -That's y I want to take her away frm you.

 

[Amanpaul]

how does the male after-pill work?
it changes his blood type

 

[Sandeep.M]

A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party... you're lucky enough that you don't bark.

 

[DJSP]

Positive ATTITUDE:

Girl's Father-I don't want my daughter to spend her entire life with an idiot.

Boyfriend -That's y I want to take her away frm you.

you shud try that

 

[Jatt08]

CONFIDENCE

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'


'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'


Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'


Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.


'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'


'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'


Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'


'Tera bhala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'


'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJAB DA PUTTAR CONFIDENCE

 

[gill00]

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were racist white guys, and one was a Sardar. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the Sardar said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the Sardar saying he would get off, all of the racist white guys started clapping.
Problem solved.

decided i would bring back a few laughs

 

[blanca_c]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

lol so wrong, but funny

 

[Gurbir23]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"



A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

lol so wrong, but funny

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[singh89]

A bunch of first-year medical students were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "It is absolutely necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor of Medicine: the first is that you're not disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, rolled the body over and stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger...Now learn to pay attention"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this was funny.

 

[singh89]

A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.
When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,
"Nah dad my bum is still sore."

LMFAOOO!!

 

[parampreetsekhon]

MAN'S DICK IN VARIOUS STAGES OF LIFE


15 To 30 Like - Eiffel Tower – Long Straight And Made Of Iron.
30 To 40 Like – Qutub Minar – Long, Straight But Ancient.
40 To 50 Like – Leaning Tower Of Pisa – Long But Tilted And Ancient.
After 50 Like – World Trade Center – Got Crashed By Single Hit Of Helicopter

 

[jasraj93]

2 kids get caught for traffiking drugs. the judge doesnt want to sentance them so he makes a deal that they have to get as many kids as they can to stop doing drugs. so the 2 kids come back couple daiz later and the judge asks the first kid how many u stop, the kid repliies 25, the judge says thats great how u do that. he said i drew this. O o, the first cirlces your brain before drugs the seconds after. he said amazing asks da second person he said i got 50 kids to stop, the judge asked how he did that? the kid said i made this o O. the first circle is your bum before prisson and the second circles after prison. LOL

 

[Badwal]

Womens rights


That is all

 

[jasraj93]

A lil boi catches his mom riding his daddy, the boi asked "what r u doing?" Mommy replies "daddy's got a big belly so i get on top to help flatten it". The lil boi replied "ur wasting ur time cuz when ur out shopping, the lady next door gets down on her knees and blows it back up."

 

[Gurbir23]

2 kids get caught for traffiking drugs. the judge doesnt want to sentance them so he makes a deal that they have to get as many kids as they can to stop doing drugs. so the 2 kids come back couple daiz later and the judge asks the first kid how many u stop, the kid repliies 25, the judge says thats great how u do that. he said i drew this. O o, the first cirlces your brain before drugs the seconds after. he said amazing asks da second person he said i got 50 kids to stop, the judge asked how he did that? the kid said i made this o O. the first circle is your asshole before prisson and the second circles after prison. LOL

Fixed

 

[DJ Jassi]

A lil boi catches his mom riding his daddy, the boi asked "what r u doing?" Mommy replies "daddy's got a big belly so i get on top to help flatten it". The lil boi replied "ur wasting ur time cuz when ur out shopping, the lady next door gets down on her knees and blows it back up."

hahaha lmao

 

[gagan aujla]

Womens rights


That is all

dont be sexist. bitches hate that

 

[Bharathi]

CONFIDENCE

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'


'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'


Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'


Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.


'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'


'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'


Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'


'Tera bhala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'


'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJAB DA PUTTAR CONFIDENCE

LOVE IT!

 

[parampreetsekhon]

Non-veg Shayari


" Phir Na Silegi Agar Ye Gand Fatt Jayegi,
Zindagi Baal Nahi Jo Dobara Se Ugg Jayegi,
Jo Maal Pasand Hai Jaker Thok Lo Yaaro,
Warna Zindagi Muthan Marne Mein Hi Nikal Jayegi."

 

[gill00]

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"