Deepi253
:D
- Messages
- 921
From: The International Council of Man Laws:
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car (if it is valued at more than $50,000).
3: Any man who brings a camera to the pool in Vegas may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the beer is warm.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: When stumbling upon another guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
8: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .. . and only when it's delivered by a topless model.
9: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
10: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
11: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.
12: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
13: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game.
14: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
16: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
17: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
18: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
19: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your significant other with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'Are you still cleaning, or, are you flying somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer and with lipstick on your collar, then slapping your girl squarely on the ass and saying, "You're next, fatty!"
BIGGER BALLS: Having the nerve to share these with your significant other!
We hope that this clears up any confusion.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car (if it is valued at more than $50,000).
3: Any man who brings a camera to the pool in Vegas may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the beer is warm.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: When stumbling upon another guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
8: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .. . and only when it's delivered by a topless model.
9: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
10: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
11: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.
12: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
13: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game.
14: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
16: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
17: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
18: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
19: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your significant other with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'Are you still cleaning, or, are you flying somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer and with lipstick on your collar, then slapping your girl squarely on the ass and saying, "You're next, fatty!"
BIGGER BALLS: Having the nerve to share these with your significant other!
We hope that this clears up any confusion.
